When Foodies Marry Non-Foodies…

Here it is, your Saturday Eating Reading!

…from Elizabeth Bernstein at the Wall Street Journal comes this look at what happens when Ms. Adventurous Eater marries Mr. Bland-and-Boring…

“Sharing meals is one of the most enjoyable things couples do together, a regularly scheduled time to relax, have an intimate conversation and recharge the relationship. But when one person is an adventurous eater and the other has simpler tastes, meal times are often divisive.”

So when a foodie and a non-foodie fall in love…

” ‘Non-foodies feel left out or even judged, and foodies feel that an important part of them isn’t fully understood,’  says Drew Ramsey, a Manhattan psychiatrist, Columbia University professor of psychiatry and co-author of ‘The Happiness Diet.’ “

sorry, this photo isn't exactly relevant but it's just too awesome in too many other ways...

What do you think? Does food bring you and your partner together, or highlight your differences? Is it important enough to matter?

{I’m no longer posting on Sundays, so I’ll see you on Monday!}

What Chefs Feed Their Kids

One of my favorite things about blogging is the free books. I’m not much of a book-buyer–being that my library system is well-stocked, efficient, and user-friendly–but sometimes it is nice to have one’s Very Own Copy of a book. And last week I received two lovely books for my perusal (and possible review) in the mail, one of which was this:

Fanae Aaron is an art director, not a chef, but when it came time to feed her son, she wanted more for him than rice cereal, that staple North American “first food” for babies–the “blandest and least exciting food ever created.”

She writes:

“I wondered if there was a way to feed kids that both nourishes and stimulates them. Our brains are wired to burst to life with new sensations. They light up and chemicals are released in our brains as we experience the pleasure and delight of something new and interesting.”

I love how her artistic sensibilities shaped her motivation for this project: she wanted food to be what it truly is–a creative sensory experience and an experience of love, care, and nourishment–not merely ‘healthy fuel.’ And so Fanae interviewed twenty or so very different chefs–from Ana Sortun to Zack Gross–to illustrate their strategies and attitudes in feeding their children.

Though it’s got gorgeous illustrations and fabulous recipes, this is more than another cookbook–there’s a lot of child development in there–examining why adventurous eaters suddenly become picky, for example, and explaining why certain foods and combinations simply don’t appeal to kids. Plus, the recipes are recipes that can be made for the whole family–not simply for the baby–with simple modifications for the young ones.

Son #1, with sweet potato

And there’s plenty of advice on how to get kids interested in trying new things–from cooking with them (with the aid of things like the learning tower) to reading books involving food and cooking.

(Our favorite children’s book involving cooking is Eddie’s Kitchen by Sarah Garland.)

Whether you’re a seasoned foodie with kids or a newbie foodie with kids or simply a parent who wants to start your kid on something tastier than rice cereal (we started with avocado!), I think this book will appeal to all your senses. It’s lovely.

Son #2, with avocado

“It seems to me that our three basic needs, for food and security and love, are so mixed and mingled and entwined that we cannot straightly think of one without the other.”

~M.F.K. Fisher

Amen.

Many thanks to Jessica at Globe Pequot for the review copy of this book! You can buy yours here or here.

How to Use Food to Comfort Others

Americans receive a lot of criticism for our eating habits and food culture, but to give credit where credit is due, there are aspects of our food culture that–while not wholly unique, are particularly American, and, in my view, lovely and worth encouraging and emphasizing.

So without further ado, here are 6 ways to connect with and comfort others through food and drink in the Spirit of the Living Bread:

6. Participate in Potluck Meals

Many of us may not have the time or the energy to host multi-course dinner parties, especially for large groups of people. Potlucks are a time-honored tradition, and a particularly good opportunity to make diverse people feel welcome as members of a group. As an alternative to the more hierarchically structured “soup kitchen,” invitations to potlucks can be extended beyond the church family to include those in the community who may not get enough to eat in a way that embodies the inclusive table fellowship of Jesus.5. Visit Old People with Coffee and Treats

Let’s face it. Visiting ‘Old People’ (however you define that) can be awkward for some of us. Some of us have a real aversion to institutional care homes. But through cooking for Mr. and Mrs. S, I’ve discovered something: it’s easier with food. Maybe that’s because it takes a little of the conversational pressure off. Maybe it’s because the care you can sometimes can’t put in words goes into the food? I don’t know what it is, exactly. It doesn’t have to be a multi-course meal. Last week I dropped by the nursing home with coffees and donuts for Mr. and Mrs. S, and they were received with such thanks that I wondered if I should just bring donuts and coffee every time, instead of a meal (this week it was organic hot dogs on homemade rolls, brownies, and coleslaw made with cabbage from the end of the garden.)


4. Bring Dinner to Someone Else’s House

This is a good one for busy folks (um, most of us!) because it means that only 1 person or family has to clean while the other does most of the cooking. It also works well when, for example, friends who have kids who go to bed early have friends without kids. Friends without kids bring dinner and the grownups can have a grownup dinner party sans enfants.

3. Take Your School Child Out to Lunch

I have no idea if this one is even practical anymore, but I urge you–find out if it is and DO it if you can! When I was in kindergarten and first grade, my mom worked part time nearby to my school, and from time to time she’d pick me up from school to take me to the pizza place for lunch, where I’d have a slice and then an Italian ice…but I was only allowed to get a lemon ice, which wouldn’t stain my dress for the rest of the day. I’m 30 years old now, and this is still a very, very sweet memory for me. While kids can actually go home for lunch some places, in many others, that’s not quite feasible. But if there’s a good place to eat near the school, you could take your child there to eat, or else bring some kind of picnic. You never know! It might mean the world.2. Bring Soup and Popsicles to Sick People

Is this a no-brainer? Maybe. I don’t know. But I do know that when my mother, father, and I all got influenza at the exact.same.time in 1994 someone brought some chicken soup and some popsicles to us and that kind of kept us alive. There are a few tricks to making a really great chicken soup, and I, for one, believe wholeheartedly in its curative powers! Learn to make a great one and bring it to sick people!

(I recommend you check out Ina Garten’s recipe. I think she’s actually Jewish, which probably matters for this recipe. It’s not called Jewish Penicillin for nothing.)

1. Plan meals for families with new babies and other crises

When I lived in beautiful St. Andrews, Scotland, it seemed like everyone in our little graduate-student community was always having babies. Because we were. Because it was “that time” for many of us and, yeah, because having a baby on the NHS is free. Imagine, no bills or “explanation of benefits” or co-pays or pre-approvals or referrals! But, you know, having a baby is still a big deal! It wipes you out big time. One of the coolest things our little community of expatriate student-families did to help one another was create “meal rotas” for each pregnant mom. We’d collect volunteers for 14 meals, to be given every other evening for a month, according to a schedule arranged with the family. I was at the receiving end of this incredible ministry when I had my son Graeme in 2008, and it’s truly amazing how knowing that dinner is coming frees you up from the many anxieties and stresses of those early baby days, letting you have a little babymoon while letting your friends love you in such a tangible way.

But this doesn’t need to be just for babies. Meal ‘rotas’–a schedule of turn-taking, basically–are great for people who’ve had major surgery, miscarriages, deaths in the family, or other disrupting and upsetting events. You meet a practical need while expressing your concern in a tangible, delicious way.

What other ideas do you have for using food to minister to others?

Are You Willing to Try This?

So this is kind of embarrassing to admit, but when I was very small I somehow thought that being a missionary meant that you had to go to another country and eat weird stuff so that people would really know that you really love them and so that they would really know that God loved them, too.

The “weird stuff” I was imagining:

Crispy bugs. Juicy grubs.Stew with recognizable animal part (i.e., face, included.)

And I had it in my mind that to be a missionary meant that you really had to be brave enough to eat weird stuff because if you didn’t, the people that you were trying to be friends with wouldn’t want to be friends with you. Or with God.

OK, so, yes, there are some strange and faulty ideologies implied in there that would have the Foucauldian theorists of my grad school days salivating with desire. Also it probably just doesn’t work that way, that if you don’t want to taste the monkey brain they don’t want to be your friend or to talk about God.

BUT! The problematic missiology of my 5 year old self was on to something.

A few weeks ago, some friends who have been actual missionaries in Japan for years & years visited. And John said something I think is very interesting:

“You can tell which interns are going to work well in Japan because they are the ones who are willing to try the food. The ones that are afraid to try generally don’t get on well in other ways, culturally.”

(this is a ‘loose’ quote; basically what he said.)

(John’s wife brought me some dried plum powder, the purple-ish stuff you see sprinkled on this vegetarian sushi I made. Sorry it’s blurry. I was really hungry and rushing to actually eat something!)

John was careful to point out that it wasn’t that the successful interns necessarily liked Japanese food.

The telling part was the willingness–or unwillingness–to try.

If food and eating are so deeply rooted in culture and religion and family life and (etc., etc., etc.) then it kind of makes sense that the people who are going to be able to befriend others best in a different culture are the ones who come ready to at least try.

Trying someone’s food is almost a way of saying “I’m willing to know you.”

I still hope I never have to eat bugs or grubs to prove my love for my neighbor, but maybe if I’ve come to love a friend who loves to eat grubs it would be like nothing to try them myself.

And I wonder:

What can we tell about ourselves–and our relationships–by the patterns and habits of food-sharing taking place within them?

A truly frugal outlook has a long view.

I’m delighted to welcome to the blog today Cathleen Hockman-Wert, the co-author of Simply in Season, one of my favorite cookbooks!

It’s always a pleasure to connect with people who share my interest in good food, food that is good in every way: food that tastes good, food that is good for our health, good for the environment, good for local communities and good for people worldwide.

Rachel asked me to share a little about the story behind Simply in Season, a cookbook that I co-authored with Mary Beth Lind to celebrate good food. It encourages people to choose seasonal, locally-produced and fairly traded foods, with an emphasis on fresh fruits and vegetables.

Simply in Season is the third in a series of cookbooks produced by the international relief and development organization, Mennonite Central Committee (MCC). The first, More-with-Less Cookbook by Doris Janzen Longacre, was first published in 1976. This was a time when global food shortages loomed, and in response MCC asked its constituents to eat and spend 10 percent less on food. More-with-Less explained how to do that – to eat less meat and more rice and beans, for example – but even more importantly made a persuasive argument: that faith and food are deeply connected. And that, moreover, eating more simply was not about “cutting back.” Rather, it meant “living joyfully, richly, creatively.”

Fast forward 30 years.

I grew up with More-with-Less, and it strongly influenced my values. I believed that “eating justly” meant two primary stewardship issues: health and cost. I wanted food that was good for me, and cheap. The intention was that by spending less on food, I would have more to share with others.
Frugality is part of my Mennonite DNA; my people tend to believe thriftiness could give cleanliness some solid competition for that place next to godliness. But my perspective was also shaped by broader culture. Compared to other nations, we Americans don’t spend much on what we eat, and we like it that way. We feel entitled to cheap food.

My perspective began to change as I learned more about the stories behind my food and realized that as a consumer with purchasing power, I am a part of these stories. One tomato might look like another, but because of the way they are produced, they may have wildly different stories in terms of economic justice, environmental impact, and so on. The stories are in fact so different that I came to see that food choices are not morally neutral.

When I choose which tomato to buy, this action has ramifications beyond my own pocketbook. It takes place in the context of a community, human and nonhuman. I am participating in systems that make life better for others, or worse. Grocery shopping is in fact an exercise in ethics.{a well-worn page from More-with-Less}

In Simply in Season I wanted to continue the conversation that began in More-with-Less about faith and food, and how our everyday actions reflect our values.
I still value frugality! But now my view is a little more holistic. A truly frugal outlook has a long view. Even the most devout penny-pinchers know it doesn’t save money to buy something cheap if it’s so flimsy it will have to be quickly replaced; it’s better to spend more at the outset and use it for a long time. In a wider sense, likewise, a frugal approach to grocery shopping – to any shopping, really – takes into account the hidden costs: the costs of cleaning up our environment, the health care costs for farmworkers sickened by pesticides, the military costs of protecting access to cheap oil. And our Christian calling to care for “the least of these” makes us ask, who is bearing the real costs?

It isn’t always easy to move from “spend less” to “spend for a better world.” When I shop, sometimes I repeat a little mantra: “cheaper is not always better.” I also like to repeat a prayer from Blessed Be Our Table, a collection of graces from the Iona Community: “Let me not seek a bargain that leaves others hungry.”

I’ve found it helpful, too, to view eating/shopping as a spiritual discipline. To me this reflects several things. First, as with the discipline of charitable giving, there’s an economic impact: choosing good foods can cost more. Equally significant is the impact on time. Amidst busy schedules, it can be hard to find the time to buy and prepare fresh food. Framing this practice as a spiritual discipline honors that reality. Spending time in worship or prayer requires making these things a priority. So does cooking a meal.

Finally, seeing food choices as a spiritual discipline speaks to their ordinariness, their daily nature. In contrast to a big decision like buying an electric car or choosing a house within biking distance of work, choices about food are small, and we make them constantly. We might make one choice today and a different choice tomorrow, but there’s always another chance to move toward greater consistency in matching our values with our actions.

A spiritual “practice” speaks to both the noun and verb meanings of “practice”: it’s an enactment of our beliefs as well as something we’re working on – like practicing the piano. We do it over and over again and get better.

I hope that idea is helpful for people when they ask about how they can afford to choose good food. Each of us has a different situation. Choose a place to start: maybe one local meal per week, or switching from regular to fair trade coffee. After a while, change something else.

Practice.

Like our spiritual journeys themselves, this journey with good food choices is gradual, partial, imperfect, and ongoing. And ultimately, I believe, that is good news indeed.

{thank you, Cathleen! It’s a pleasure to have you at Eat With Joy today!}

{It really is a great cookbook! Try it!}