Weirdest Search Terms of The Past Quarter.

It’s been a long time since I posted–or even looked at–some of the search terms that landed people on this site, and, as always, it is a bizarrely fun little experience. Below are some favorites, with my responses.

“How do I reply if someone say happy guy fawkes day?”

You could always go with a friendly, “same to you!” or “likewise!” or “thanks, but actually I’m terrified of fireworks, they make me lose control of my bladder.”

“Edith Schaeffer doesn’t read what her son writes” 

Considering that he spilled all sorts of family secrets and more or less painted her as pathologically obsessed with keeping up appearances, consistently oversharing about her and her husband’s intimate moments and neglecting her children for the sake of their father’s voracious sexual appetite? I hope not!

(Besides, she’s dead, and while I certainly hope that heaven has a well-stocked library with good lighting and comfy chairs, I certainly wouldn’t while away eternity reading Frank Schaeffer. No offense. Okay, maybe a little. Sorry.)

“someone hurting another cartoon”

Someone either needs to work on his/her grammar or else has very strange taste in cartoons…

“weight loss product ads lies”

You needed to Google that? OF COURSE THEY LIE. They all lie.

“Jesus knows you don’t repost this status”

He’s like Santa Claus in that way, knowing at all times whether you have been bad or good and whether or not you have committed the unpardonable sin of not making room for him on your Facebook wall.

(used under fair-use conditions of US copyright law)

(used under fair-use conditions of US copyright law)

Just be glad there was no Facebook at the time of the Inquisition:

By my awesome dad.

By my awesome dad.


“the kinfolk dinners are fake”

Yes and amen, my friend! Thanks for getting straight to the point. If you want to know what I really think about that, click here.

“david and goliath precious moments”

Somehow I don’t think this is exactly what you were looking for, but okay.

Screenshot 2014-01-29 12.47.02



“lego breasts”

I have no response to that.

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7 thoughts on “Weirdest Search Terms of The Past Quarter.

  1. I have fun seeing the search terms and then trying to figure out which of my posts the searcher landed on. I bet they are often surprised at what their search led them to.

    Dig your dad’s heretic drawing too. Totally jealous you have a cartoonist on retainer.

  2. This is so awesome, Rachel. I have no words. None.
    I shake my head at mine all the time.
    A few of my favorites:
    where did babble come from
    does a record player needle have a curve to it?
    i am arrogant
    and perhaps most puzzling of all:
    is humidity bad for new laid sod
    (they did not get an answer).

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