Don’t read me wrong: I’m not saying that if you have said some of the things that appear in the right-hand column, you clearly meant what is made explicit in the left-hand column. Not at all. But as my friend Karen Swallow Prior wrote a few years ago:
“The trouble with prefabricated words is that they don’t require or encourage much thinking. Yes, clichés contain truth; that’s why they are used so much. But familiarity can turn even truthful words into vain repetitions.”
That, and sometimes it’s just really tempting to use spiritual-sounding language to either:
a. Avoid taking responsibility for what you actually think and feel by passing that off to God
b. Discourage the other person from disagreeing with you by tacitly implying that God is on your side.
My dad came up with this first one, which may be the worst one:
#1: “I love you (or them) in the Lord.“
My friend Marlena wrote about Christian dating myths, and quick polling of young men indicates that #2 is used frequently enough (probably in accordance with a. above: avoiding responsibility for your own feelings):
Oh, and #3. Number three is probably used just as frequently in secular or other religious contexts outside Christendom, falling into the category of “in my day, they never cancelled school” and “our kids never whined” boasting. But it is worse, because it can imply some sort of spiritual superiority, or hurtfully insinuate that the reason the person is hurting is that he/she lacks sufficient faith. (See also: “How Not to Help Someone Who Is Hurting.”)
This is not to say that you should not share your own stories of difficult times and your experience of God helping you through those times. Those can be very helpful stories. But be aware of your motivations in telling them–and be sure that you have first listened to your friend.
Finally, #4: the God cop-out. It’s like “I’ll think about it…” but with a spiritual twist, and often pops out of our mouths when we’re afraid to JUST SAY NO:
What are some other cliches–and their translations–that grate upon your senses?